4/1/19

Asexuality is not "Sexualizing Kids."

You know, I'm kind of fucking sick of people trying to say shit about my identity despite not having a clue what any of it means.
Asexuality means: not having sexual attraction.
It does not mean "not having sex." You know why you can't discern the two? Because you're not asexual or aromantic. They are not detached for you. They are one and the same, like for most people. Romantic and sexual orientations genually come neatly packaged together, and you think asexuality is just celibacy because you have no idea what it means to not have sexual attraction.
Over years and years of trying to discover myself and what it even means for me, because there has been so little information about it despite it being a thing for almost a hundred years. Because it used to just be treated as a mental illness, or disinterest in relationships with people.
But one thing I've discovered after finally coming to terms with it, I do have romantic attraction, sort of. I wouldn't mind being in a romantic relationship with anyone, making me biromantic. But I also don't seek relationships out.
It took me years to realize that the two types of attraction were seperate, and I just feel attraction a little differently to most people.
Before, I never would have bothered being in a relationship with anybody, because well, it didn't feel "normal" to me.
It's really hard to describe, but its a feeling you have and only understand if you are aromantic or asexual.
But in summary, lack of sexual attraction does not mean you just don't have sex. It is a detachment entirely to a type of attraction that most people experience. Never having experienced this, people would never have known how these things feel seperated from eachother, because they have romantic and sexual attraction.
I can't really put it into words, but I can describe how I have come to accept myself as I've grown up.
When I was first in highschool, when I was 13 and everyone hit puberty already (yuck) they started dating.
Everyone was interested in dating eachother, into getting into relationships. There were people who were "hot" and people who weren't.
I never discerned the two, I didn't see any attraction to peoples facial features, because I don't have sexual attraction. There was nothing about their physical appearance that ever made me want to date them, really. I was asked out several times but turned them down because I didn't see the appeal.
People were even talking about having sex, which is absolutely ridiculous to me, because you're all like, fucking fifteen.
Teenagers are dumb as hell.
But, to insinuate that teenagers AREn't hormonal monsters is also dumb as fucking hell.
As I got older, I started to wonder if something was wrong with me. Why wasn't I dating when everyone else was?
I've come to realize now it was because I didn't have the attraction that encouraged me to seek out intimate relationships with others.
But I'm not barred from relationships entirely, it was only until after I realized and came to terms with my lack of sexual attraction that I became open to relationships, because well, I realized I wasn't so much as "uncomfortable" with relationships themselves, it was just I had never had the incentive to seek them out before and I hadn't realized why exactly.
So now I'm more comfortable with dating, as long as it's on my own terms. I'm also sex-repulsed, so that kind of narrows my dating pool when most people expect that from you.
Lots of asexual people will have sex because they don't mind it, because well, asexuality doesn't actually have anything to do with sex itself.
It's just the lack of attraction. There are sex-repulsed aces and aces that aren't. Maybe some even enjoy it.

Now that you understand it a little bit better, here is why teenagers need it as an identity available to them.
My entire life, I grew up believing that there was something wrong with me. I had no sexual attraction towards the opposite sex, or the same either.
I see people talk about asexuality all the time, saying that the lack of sexual attraction is inhuman. Relating it to psychopathy, or autism. As if autism is an insult, and thats just a whole other barrel of ableism apples I guess.
People even encourage therapy, psychiatric help, medicating.
It wasn't even until 2013 that it was no longer considered a medical illness that your doctor could medicate you for.
I've also been sexually harassed. People, close friends who knew I was asexual, would say horrible things to me.
I've collected a series of screenshots over this past year of the shit I see the general population say, even people within the LGBT+ community.

Is this what you want kids growing up to hear? Kids who experience no sexual attraction? You don't want this label for them because they are too young? So that they have no community to go to, no way to accept and understand themselves?
Labels can change. Even if a teenager is too young to recognize if they lack sexual attraction or not, as they grow and change, so can the way they identify themselves. But to restrict that from them and say its wrong to support teenagers who feel like they are broken,
who have to see this sort of shit from day to day, who don't think that they're normal? Why? The lack of sexual attraction is not about sex.
This is not an inappropriate topic for teenagers. They aren't stupid. They know how life works regardless.
I've identified as asexual since 13. What would have happened if I hadn't had that community there to support me? It would've taken me even longer to accept myself, to be comfortable with relationships.
I don't know, I just don't understand why people would want to deprive younger folks from a supporting community, and get angry at those who try to help them.
-logan